Dream Ultra

Dating someone new can be exciting and fun or it can be something you will regret for the rest of your life. It is wonderful when you meet someone that you are attracted to right away. But give yourself some time before rushing into anything more serious. It is all up to you and what your expectations are when you go out with someone for the first time. Something that can ruin a perfectly good time between two people is the belief that you should have sex after the first date. Having sex so soon in a relationship can backfire in many ways. Here are the three biggest reasons not to have sex on the first date.

You will never truly get to know the person you have just met. By having sex with someone right away you change the dynamics of what the relationship could lead to in the future. When you begin to know someone by choosing to have a physical encounter, you shortchange the possibilities of knowing them intellectually or emotionally. You will know very little about who the person truly is, and they will know very little about you. You will both feel terrible the next day. Our society leads us to believe that men are alright with the idea of a one night stand, but research shows that men generally feel just as bad about themselves the morning after a one night stand as a woman does. It is not good for our self esteem if we cheapen the connection we make with another person by moving right away to an act that would be better off saved for a later date. Sex is more than just two people going through the motions. Having sex so quickly can leave emotional scars on both men and women.You will never know if this could have been a meaningful relationship. By having sexual relations with someone after the first date you have most likely ruined your chances of ever bringing the relationship to the next level. A huge part of dating is getting to know a person on many different levels. That is also the fun of the romance in a relationship. You have a chance to see another person in different situations, with friends and family, and during both good and bad times. As you date over a longer period of time you will know more about their likes and dislikes and both of you will grow as human beings. When you both finally decide to move the relationship to a sexual one, whether that takes weeks, months, or even longer, it will feel like the right thing to do for both of you. When you meet someone for the first time that you are attracted to, don’t be afraid to take your time in getting to know them. This could be the person you would like to spend your life with, but you will never know if you have sex with them right away.

Connie Ragen Green is an author and speaker living in southern California. For more ways to have a better relationship with the one you love visit TheSevenYearSexItch.com TheSevenYearSexItch.com

One question I always receive from my list subscribers is how to find out what women like in a man. These guys want to date women, but they’re unsure of what qualities they should display around them.

The truth is woman want a LOT of things from a man. Unfortunately there are a lot of misconceptions about the traits that women desire. Specifically a lot of guys think a woman is ONLY interested in things like money or looks.

So if you want to know what women like in a man, then you have to look inwards. The personality you display around women is the best to make them attracted and interested in you. And here are 5 core characteristics which can help you make women like you:

A Confident Personality

Simply put, women are REALLY attracted to guys who demonstrate a high level of confidence. If you lack it, then you′ll a very little chance of attracting a woman.

On the other hand, if you approach every situation with absolute trust in yourself, then you’ll demonstrate that you’re in complete control of your actions.

An Honest Disposition

For a LOT of women, dishonesty is a “deal breaker”. So when you′re around women, don’t lie! Yes, it’s really that simple!

Now we’re ALL guilty of an occasional lie when it comes to women. But if you constantly need to lie to her, then you’re headed for trouble. Eventually your deception will catch up to you.

A Strong Sense Of Character

If you show a lack of commitment and a weakness of character, then you’ll instantly turn-off the women around you. What women like in a man is somebody who actually does what he says- ALL the time!

So your word should be golden. When you tell her that you’ll do something, then you should actually do it.

A strength of character demonstrates that you can protect in case of emergency and you follow through with your promises. Both of these traits are incredibly attractive to women.

A Relaxed Attitude

When you’re around women you must display a relaxed pose in every situation. So if you want to display an attitude which a woman likes, then have to learn how to be at ease around women.

Generally you can display this personally by leaning back and looking comfortable in every situation, regardless of what’s going on. And when you walk places, you do so in a slow, yet deliberate manner.

A Sexual Manner

Now when it comes to what women like in a man, there is one ULTIMATE trait they desire… sexual chemistry!

To be attractive to a woman, you have to know her know how to trigger her levels of sexual desire. It’s a simple truth that attraction and love start with physical feelings. So if you want a woman to return your feelings, then you must become a constant source of sexual excitement whenever you’re around her.

There have it!

Five different ways you can demonstrate an attractive personality around women. If you want to increase your chances of becoming what woman like in a man, then you should work hard at displaying these personality traits. Once you do so, you’ll discover that it’s easy to showcase an attitude around women.

Scott Patterson can help YOU meet, attract and seduce ANY woman! In his free resource, chickmagnet101.com/meet-women248.html Attraction Mastery, Scott provides over 50 TIPS you can use to get instant results with girls. To claim your free copy of this incredible resource, visit his site right now: chickmagne𜖅.com/meet-women248.html ChickMagne𜖅.com

Many, many women I know are self sufficient, successful and capable. They spent many years getting a degree or advanced degree and are now in a very successful and rewarding career. They’ve bought houses, gone on trips and own businesses, they’re beautiful and are amazing human beings.. but they have no idea why they can’t get a man to stay!!!

I’m not talking about the women who don’t WANT a man in their life. They’ve been there and done it! I’m talking about the woman who WANTS a man, a companion and a friend to share their life with. And I don’t mean a gay man!

Many of these women are teaching in universities, running businesses or partners in a law firm. They’re content on the outside, but very much would like to have a man at their side. They’ll NEVER admit it to anyone, because they’re often teased about being single and are always showing up to events with friends and not a companion. They’re tough on the outside, because they’ve had to be.

But when they get together with their closest friends, or their coach, they confide in each other and this is what they’ve shared:

They don’t NEED A man.. but they WANT one.

I’ve learned so many amazing things from being around these women. They are truly incredibly self sufficient and can run their house better than most women I know. But there is one thing they lack and it’s what I have taught them:

Warmth with people and of course.. the all important FLIRTING SKILLS!!!

Now before you go and stop reading because I went and wrote something so incredibly basic, let me ask you this:

*When did you last make the person you were talking with, feel good about themselves?

*When was the last time you let the person you were talking to, know that they were needed?

*When was the last time that the person who was talking to you, walked away with a smile on their face?

If the answer to any of these questions was “I don’t remember”… then that was TOO long ago! If the answer was “just yesterday”.. then you’re doing a good job!

Today’s world is so busy, that we rush through life just trying to squeeze all of the necessary things in. Often times we don’t give the actual people we come in contact with a second look, let alone a thought.

When I’m working with the people who want to develop warmth in their life the first thing I do is to send them out with a different set of eyes. When they go to the store, their ASSIGNMENT is to greet the people behind the meat counter or cash register and make THEM feel special.

How is a person supposed to do THAT you ask? Two days ago, I decided to make Cuban Sandwiches for lunch. So, I went to the 17 year old boy behind the counter and started asking for his recommendations… for meat, for condiments, and for cheese. Before you knew it, he was telling me OTHER dishes he wanted to make or had made recently. We were having a terrific conversation and when I left, I told him this: “I can guarantee that you’re going to make a great husband!” When I left, I knew he felt great.. and I did too.

Practicing in low risk situation is always the best. So when you’re in that situation of really wanting to show a person of the opposite sex that you’d like to get to know them BETTER, then you’ll have LOTS of practice of making a person feel special.

Okay, yes, flirting does also involve dressing up a bit, using the long linger of the eyes, glancing sideways at the person you admire and quickly away with a smile, and all of those little things that we can do when we like someone. To some people, these come naturally, but to others, they have to learn them all again.

Other suggestions for the ALL IMPORTANT flirting are to briefly touch the man on his arm, laugh at all of his jokes, and keep your body very casual, not so professional, stiff and unrelaxed. He’ll REALLY get the drift if you say something like, “oh my gosh.. you’re so silly” while you laugh with him and give him a little push on the arm just for good measure!

But the best one is to really make a person feel special and NEEDED. If you’re incredibly self sufficient then GREAT. But don’t let your “being a complete human without a man” side of you forget that MEN NEED TO BE NEEDED. They want to feel and BE special to that special woman, and they want to know that to the outside world, you’re competent, successful and beautiful… but at home?

All you need is HIM!

Mary Gardner is a communications consultant and coach. She’s coached dozens and dozens of women on this topic alone and has spoken nationally about dating and relationships. She enjoys being able to teach powerful women the basic skill of flirting… is able to break it down so it’s easy to learn.

Divorce refers to the legal dissolution of marriage. Ending a marriage is the most traumatic experience in a person’s life. It gets even worse when a person is incapable of finding the right lawyer. Lawyers are typically expensive in most Western countries and the United Kingdom is no exception to this rule.

Divorce lawyers in UK have to possess knowledge about the local laws pertaining to divorce. The divorce laws in the UK cover issues like a couple′s duties, responsibilities and rights during and after divorce. A number of issues such as child custody and property rights need to be taken care of as well. In the UK, a couple has to be married at least a year before presenting a petition for divorce. The process takes about 14 to 20 weeks. Lawyers in the UK may charge around £900.00 ($1500) per divorce case, including taxes.

There are various issues related to a divorce petition that are difficult for a layman to understand. They can create a lot of confusion and complications if a person is not guided properly. UK lawyers provide updated information regarding the divorce laws to their clients. Most lawyers organize seminars and workshops to increase awareness of their clients.

Professional and well-established lawyers in the UK are members of large law firms. It is advisable to retain a reputed lawyer who can render high standards of service and advice regarding a divorce proceeding. A good lawyer studies a client’s case in detail to identify all the problems and provide effective solutions. Adultery, desertion and bizarre behavior are the main reasons of marital dissolution. Modern courts are more involved in resolving factors pertaining to divorce such child support, spousal maintenance, post nuptial agreements and so on. Family courts in the UK are given the right to decide the legal obligations between the couple.

It is possible to get a divorce without any hostility, and generally neither party needs to attend court. Divorce can be obtained amicably, and the way it is handled goes a long way in deciding future relations between the separated parties. Lawyers in the UK who specialize in divorce cases can help to ensure that the unpleasant event of a divorce is handled as smoothly as possible.

e-DivorceLawyers.com Divorce Lawyers provides detailed information on Divorce Lawyers, Cheap Divorce Lawyers, Divorce Without A Lawyer, Free Divorce Lawyers and more. Divorce Lawyers is affiliated with i-FamilyLaw.com Family Law Courts.

The foundation stone.

Relationships are like plants. They need to be nurtured with love, care and understanding. You need to work at it on a regular basis and learn the skills needed to make it grow. Those who take relationships for granted and do not take the time to do the maintenance will find a once beautiful relationship will wilt and die.

Good communication

is the foundation stone of any healthy relationship. But there must also be lashings of mutual respect and commitment to each other.

You must learn to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner, even if they are unpleasant. Very often the fear of offending your partner makes you keep quiet, and you choose to suffer in silence. Not only doing an injustice to you but also sowing the seeds of unhappiness and mistrust.

You must trust each other. Suspicion breeds hate, jealousy and sorrow. Often, these feelings get out of control, and destroy relationships. The best way to keep the flame of trust shining bright is to confide in your partner. It removes mistrust, and does not allow misunderstandings to grow.

You must honest with each other. Don’t hesitate to brush unpleasant issues under the carpet. If you have done a wrong, let your partner know. You will both feel stronger to face the next challenge.

Being a part of the ‘couple’ should not affect the sense of oneself.

Establishing boundaries where needed helps to maintain a balanced relationship and allows each to become fulfilled. Keep your own hobbies and pastimes but remember to share an interest in what your partner does as well.

You are 2 separate entities with often-differing likes, dislikes, traits and interest. Respecting and allowing for these differences is essential for reducing conflict.

Love brings along many expectations that need to be met. Every partner expects something from the other. But the expectations must be realistic and achievable. If both partners understand that that neither of them is perfect and accept each other “Warts and All” It will help them enjoy an equitably and contented life together.

There are three stages in every relationship.

The first is attraction. When you are first attracted to a person, you wish to know more about them, there likes, dislikes, interests etc. Then you gather courage to make your first move like asking to come for a movie, dance or dinner. Both partners often feeling embarrassed and awkward but probably mostly feeling over come with wonderful feelings about your newfound love.

The second is the testing stage. This is the stage when the relationship starts blooming. You are both learning more about each other. If you hide your emotions or are deceitful in any way at this stage, then you can be sure that you are building weak foundations. The relationship any well seem to flourish for a while but that weakness will undermine all the good work you do and it will fail. Honesty dealt with in a tender manner will be a strong bond that will help to hold you together.

The third is the conflict stage. As the relationship progresses and you have been together some time there will be conflicts and disagreements. Those who are able to handle these conflicts with trust and equanimity will be able to keep the relationship going where others would simply flounder. So, learn to handle conflicts and learn form all the ups and downs. Because you have been together for a long time you may well feel your partner takes you for granted or that you are in a rut. The positive side of that coin is you are in a comfortable relationship were you have mutual respect for each other. It may not have the zest and excitement of a new relationship but you have learned to live in contentment with another. This really is a fine achievement worthy of praise. It has the reward of a long lasting loving relationship that can only be coveted by many.

Allow your partner just to be human not some super-person who you expect must always get it right. If you allow them that courtesy they might then do the same for you!

Stay Well Stay Happy.

John

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Cheating has plagued love lives for generations. Sometimes, one never finds out about an affair a girlfriend has had. However, there are certain signs which might give one a clue as to whether (and exactly to what limit) the girlfriend is cheating.

The first sign of infidelity by a girlfriend in a relationship is her general disinterest in anything that the two enjoyed doing together previously. Sometimes this disinterest is blatant. For example, if a couple watches a movie together, and afterwards she can’t remember anything about the movie, then she might be deeply distracted by something. This disinterest then might graduate into a series of unexplained cancellations of plans.

Another sign of infidelity is an inexplicable display of guilt. One way in which guilt manifests itself is avoidance of the person who the guilty party feels is being hurt by her actions. The cheating girlfriend is therefore prone to generally avoiding the injured party – either by not taking calls or by not meeting for that ride or walk the couple used to like so much. Guilt can also cause pre-existing levels of intimacy to plummet.

Of course, there are countless other signs of a new lover: a sudden increase in her monthly expenses and car mileage; a splurge on cosmetics and clothes; a chronically non-reachable cell phone; an increase in overtime at her job without the accompanying increase in her paycheck, and so on. Also, if you notice a sudden increase in the number of her distant cousins, friends, ex-classmates, college friends, and so on, beware: she might be cheating.

Girlfriends having an affair have to be extremely well organized their schedules are therefore punctiliously maintained. An affair is just an extension of a girl’s daily life: she has to find time for the accomplice between family, work, social life, and the injured party. Keeping a big secret is a very tiresome job, and only the coolest, most calculating people can actually keep such a secret. If your girlfriend is not very resourceful and she is keeping a secret, she will probably falter somewhere and maybe blurt it out to you herself.

i-girlfriends.com Girlfriends provides detailed information about girlfriends, finding girlfriends, gifts for girlfriends, and more. Girlfriends is affiliated with i-relationships.com Relationships.

Helping a bride to plan her wedding is no easy task. This is why bridesmaids deserve to be acknowledged for their love, support, and hard work. Unfortunately, some brides are not aware of the importance of gift giving. While some may follow the popular belief that it’s the thought that counts, it’s also important to give your bridesmaids something that will last forever. Choosing a gift to express appreciation takes careful consideration. Here’s a list of bridesmaids gifts to avoid:

1. Chocolates. After your bridesmaids have worked so hard to keep their weight under control, tempting them with chocolates or any other high calorie foods may not be such a great idea, not to mention the fact that chocolates do not last forever.

2. Fragrances (perfume, cologne, lotions, bath and body). Giving fragrances as a gift is always risky. Unfortunately, your bridesmaid may not like the fragrance or she may be allergic to the particular fragrance that you have chosen. Also, you run the risk of encouraging your bridesmaids to indulge in those fragrances on your wedding day. Wearing overbearing fragrances may irritate the other wedding attendants.

3. Restaurant Gift Certificates. It’s a thoughtful gesture to give your bridesmaids a voucher to their favorite restaurant; however, it’s not necessarily a gift that they will always remember. Unless the restaurant is located in another state or country and comes with airline tickets, the gift really won’t be a lasting memory.

4. Flowers. Your bridesmaids will be very disappointed when the flowers die.

Gift giving is simpler than some brides make it out to be. As long as your bridesmaids gifts are useful and well thought out, your girlfriends will love it! Here are some gifts that you may consider.

1. Bridesmaids Jewelry. Giving bridal jewelry as a bridesmaids gift is always a popular choice among brides. Not only is jewelry something that will last forever, but also it is useful and can be worn on the wedding day.

2. Tote Bags. What girl doesn’t love having an extra tote bag? Women on the go need something cute and trendy to carry their important items. Tote bags are a practical gift for any hard working bridesmaid.

3. Personalized Gifts. If you want your girlfriends to feel extra special, then personalized gifts are the way to go. You may consider an engraved mug or a monogrammed cosmetic bag. Whichever gift you choose to personalize, your bridesmaids are sure to appreciate the thought that you put into it.

Treat your bridesmaids right and give them something that they deserve—a gift that is useful and will last a lifetime.

Nicole Lindsey writes about fashion, jewelry and weddings for Silverland Jewelry and gifts. silverlandjewelry.com silverlandjewelry.com

Select from a silverlandjewelry.com great selection of bridesmaids gifts and bridal jewelry at silverlandjewelry.com

Last time we discussed why it’s essential to move past anger toward your ex-spouse. Today I want to focus on HOW to do that.

It’s not an easy thing. I’m well aware of that. As I said in the last article, this is probably the most difficult hurdle to clear in moving forward emotionally from a divorce. But, it’s the most important.

The answer is a simple one. Applying the answer is the hard part. The answer is the “F” word - simply forgiveness. Now hold on!!! I know a bunch of you just about jumped out of your seat at that one! Hear me out!

There is a lot of confusion about what forgiveness means. Forgiveness is a letting go process. It is for YOU, not for your ex-spouse.

It is not condoning their behavior. It is not letting them off the hook for their actions. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t hurt or that you’re ok with what happened.Instead, it is a very powerful CHOICE.

You are choosing to no longer allow what the other person did to rule you. You are choosing to no longer allow your life to be stuck in the past. You are choosing to move forward.It’s important you are very clear that making this decision is about YOU and your children. It isn’t about your ex-spouse. You are not required to tell them “I’ve forgiven you.”

Without that forgiveness, the bitterness, resentment and anger will continue to fester and cause more hurt. It will taint your life view and by doing so, your ability to effectively parent.

This is a slow process. It doesn’t happen by just saying “I’m forgiving him/her”. It’s a choice you will have to make EVERY day for awhile. New things will pop up that will cause you to want to slide back into that anger. That’s when you remind yourself of the choice you’ve made.

It’s especially helpful during this difficult time when this is new, to have a trusted friend to keep you on track. If they hear you start slipping into the anger, they can gently remind you of the choice you’ve made to not let this person control you or your emotions any longer.

Is this easy? Of course not! It takes time. With time and dedication to the choice you’ve made, it will get easier. You won’t feel as if things are out of control or worse yet, controlled by your ex-spouse. Instead, you will feel as if YOU are the one making the choices in your life. Choices to move forward and be a better parent.

If you’re ready to make those choices NOW, then I invite you to get more information on our Special Report, “I’m Just So Mad! Dealing with the Anger of Divorce” today at RemarriageSuccess.com/somad.htm RemarriageSuccess.com/somad.htm.. For the best resources to guide you and your children every step of the way from divorce through a remarriage, visit us at RemarriageSuccess.com RemarriageSuccess.com.

Learn from these real life extramarital affair coaching scenarios.

In the first section the person struggling with the marital infidelity summarizes the scenario or concern and what he/she would like to say to his/her cheating spouse.

I then outline some goals that help him/her break free from the affair.

The last and important section gets at shifting the focus away from the spouse/partner to him/her self. In other words, what does all this mean for the person on the receiving end of an extramarital affair? After that mental shift (which is NOT easy for someone in the pain and turmoil of perhaps losing one’s spouse, family, and home) I, the coach, offer phrases that he/she can relay to his/her spouse in a way that speaks directly of his/her concern and has the best chance of being heard and getting positive results.

Section 1: The “offended spouse” says:

IMPACT — * FEEL INFERIOR, LESS OF A MAN, BEATEN, A FOOL. * USED * BETRAYED * SAD — CHANGE — * NO FAITH IN MARRIGE OR WEMON * BROKEN HEART (X3) THAT MAY NEVER HEAL * NO TRUST FOR MY WIFE — SPENDING TIME — * EXCERCISE/WIEGHT LIFTING/TAKING CARE OF MYSELF * CONSTANT SURVEILANCE; CELL PHONE BILLS/COMPUTER * PONDERING LIFE WITH A REAL COMPANION. This is the third time I have been cheated on. My current wife an I are still together but it is not the same. She wants me to forgive her. She has no idea what this has done to me. I am a good looking and successful man, yet she had a fling anyway with another married man at the urging of whom were once her friends. She is not capable of taking care of herself. In fact she was fired for lack of performance and “misuse” of the internet at work. This was most likely the e-mails she was exchanging with the other man. Her former employer liked me very much however, they had their reasons to fire her. She is now a house wife now. I feel she is waiting for Mr.Wonderful ($) to come along a rescue her. In the meantime I have developed an insecurity problem and am trying to deal with this the best I can. I think she really does love me but she does this because she can’t help it. Time will tell. I don’t think I have control of this one.

Section 2: Personal goals suggested by the coach

Acknowledge that fact that you offer a tremendous amount of stability, something which most likely is very attractive to her.

Acknowledge the fact that she has some underlying problem (a history which includes abuse? Or a history in which others overindulged her but were emotionally absent?)

List 10 things you want in a good marital relationship.

Section 3: What the affair means for the “offended spouse” and what he/she REALLY wants to say to his spouse/partner having the affair:

I want you to know that a part of me considers leaving this relationship. I think of what it must be like to be with someone I know will be there, is consistent and expresses care and concern for me.

I will no longer tolerate your “playing” and then coming back to me for forgiveness.

If you really did what you did (3 times) and believe you “can’t help it,” a condition for the continuance of this relationship is you getting professional help. I don’t want to live this way, and I assume you do not either.

I will support you as you grow personally, as you face “your problem.” If you choose not to go that route, I believe the part of me that wants out of this relationship will get stronger.

What is your situation? Describe your situation. Let it flow. Don’t hold back. Then, ask yourself, “What does this marital mean for ME?” What impact does his/her extramarital affair have on my feelings, thoughts and actions? Then rehearse approaching your spouse/partner with phrases that convey the meaning and impact of the infidelity for YOU.

Dr. Huizenga, the Infidelity Coach, offers infidelity help and relationship advice for coping with extramarital affairs and marital infidelity at:

Here is a touching story about mother and her son:

“Once upon a time there lived an old woman who was so frail that she could do no work. Her son observed that his mother still ate a lot and was a burden on the household. He decided that the burden was too heavy on him and he could no longer able to support her.

The thought of abandoning her began to occupy his mind and one day he resolved to act on this unrighteous thought. He lifted his mother up onto his back and carried her towards the nearby mountain. As he climbed the mountain track, he could hear the sound of twigs snapping.

“Aha!” he thought, “She must be leaving markers so she can find her way home.” Without giving any attention to his mother, the son continued on, further and further into the mountain. Eventually, after the long and exhausting climb, they came to a lonely and desolate spot. The man put his mother down on the ground and said coldly to her.

“This is where we part. Now you can look after yourself.” His mother looked up and spoke to him kindly.

“On the way up the mountain I snapped many twigs to mark the way we came. So long as you follow them carefully on your way down, you won’t get lost.”

For a while the son was completely stunned, unable to say a word. At last, overcome with remorse and shame, he broke down and wept. It was as if he had suddenly awakened from a terrible nightmare. He immediately knelt down before his mother, repented and begged her forgiveness. Then he gently lifted her onto his back and carried her home with unfailing care, respect and love.

There is a saying: “All parents are alike at heart.” This story is an example of a mother’s heart. The mother shows no hatred or anger knowing her son is about to abandon her. She goes so far as to leave markers for him to ensure his safe return. This unconditional love is very real and moving. It can make a hard and cold hearted man weep. It is not surprising that such love can awaken a callous son to his true responsibilities. It is the very basic of filial piety towards the aged parents that everyone has it by nature. Even the animals have it like the young crow feeding its mother.

A Saint said, “Understanding what is gained in the course of our own actions is far superior to that which comes through other people’s words of advice. The reprimands of our conscience are far more severe than any other punishments.”

Unfortunately, in today’s society, it is too easy to find callous sons. There are plentiful out there. This tells us something that men have lost their conscience and many people can do the same to their mothers. Leaving their parents at the old folks’ home can be almost equivalent to that story. The only difference is cruelty is not really shown but mother will shed silent tears. According to the law of Karma, the same will happen to the one when his turn arrives.

The great emphasis placed on scientific progress tends to replace ancient truths. Concrete objects and tangible rewards assume greater value than intangible qualities such as virtue. We fail to perceive the difference between reality and illusion. The eternal inner essence is being questioned or disbelieved. We based our judgements and analyses on physical measurement when, in fact, the truth is not how much we have in terms of money or possessions but the amount of good deeds, virtues and wisdom that we have gained. In the teachings of Tao, first is to be good and love your parents by being a filial son and the second is brotherly love.

Why did the man in the story abandon his mother? He could see only that she was old and senile and therefore a drain on the household resources. He could see her only as a burden. In other words, he was more concerned about material things than about spiritual values and the natural principle of life. Life is formed and influenced by both spirit and matter. Spirit, however precedes matter. The intangible is the controlling element behind the tangible. If it is the other way round, then we have problem. Life will not be at peace and the person cannot be truly a good man. What he thinks is only to benefit himself.

In the Wisdom of Vegetable Roots, it is written:

“Virtue is the master of capability. Capability is the slave of virtue. Being capable but having no virtue is like the state of a household when the master is away. Without supervision, the servants dominate the household. How can such a household not be chaotic?”

If a person has fulfilled the principle guiding human relationships, then that person is close to the Heavenly Tao. The Eight Virtues are the ladder to heaven. Forsaking the righteous path and the heavenly ladder leads only to destruction. It can also be said that the path of enriching our virtue and accumulating merits lies in the day to day muddle of our ordinary lives. It is our dealings with other people, our actions and our responses to the incidents in our daily lives. Charity begins at home, first be good to your mother.

Author: T.A Chew

T.A Chew met a good woman who many years ago accepted an elderly woman beggar into her home. After two years of living, the refreshed beggar was only willing to reveal how her own children neglected her. She chose to be a beggar in the street than at her own home. Website: white-sun.com white-sun.com