Dream Ultra

After the workday is through, there is nothing like enjoying a little time off. If you are new to Phoenix and have just worked with a Phoenix real estate agent to purchase Phoenix, Arizona real estate, you have a treat in store because Phoenix and surrounding area boasts some outstanding places to meet other singles. You can make some new friends and enjoy your down time in any of these cozy night spots.

If you are dying for a really great margarita and the chance to meet some new people, you can do no better than stopping by Dos Gringos in Scottsdale. It is fun to stop by for a drink after work out on their patio for a casual place to hang out, and it is usually very busy, especially on weekends. Their two bars means there is no waiting to get what you want, and they offer Tex-Mex cuisine as well.

Scottsdale real estate also offer great options for a getting out for some food and fun. Home to Sugar Daddy’s, an outdoor bar with live music out on the patio, you can’t go wrong if your Phoenix real estate agent helped you find a home nearby. This club is a great place to come if you enjoy dancing and you want to shoot a little pool. Happy hour and after work are fine times to check out Sugar Daddy’s.

Music lovers will want to check out Barcelona in beautiful Scottsdale. Every night features live rhythm-and-blues or jazz music, and you can savor fabulous Mediterranean cuisine. Late night will find you on the dance floor and sipping martinis in the outdoor cocktail lounge.

If you are looking for a high-energy spot to meet a new friend or two, try the Big Bang Bar in Tempe. There are two dueling piano players that energize the audience and really get them involved.

Dancers will enjoy IO at the Biltmore Fashion Park. Friday nights are the time to experience the music, and the food is excellent also.

If it’s atmosphere you crave, an evening at the Merc Bar in Phoenix will help set the mood. A sultry spot to enjoy the evening, they also make excellent martinis.

People who love all things from the 1980s will not want to miss out on an evening spent at the Martini Ranch in Scottsdale. Many new music acts got their start at this fabulous hangout, and they still feature local and nationally known musicians. You can also dance the night away upstairs in the Shaker Room.

There are even trust-in-justin.com/Phoenix_condos.asp Phoenix Arizona condos near places to experience something a little different. You might enjoy a goth club like Transylvania at Palazzo on Friday nights. Dance and drink to your Gothic heart’s delight at this restaurant by day turned dance club by night venue.

Everyone can find a spot where you’ll feel comfortable and meet new friends in the Phoenix area.

Wayne Hemrick is a Phoenix aficionado well versed in all of the fun things to do in Phoenix. Involved in the Phoenix real estate market for more than 20 years, he offers sound advice to help find the right Phoenix home for you.

No, this is not an article about whether or not to invite Aunt Claire to your wedding reception – even though you haven’t seen her in years. And I really don’t care if crazy cousin Carl shows up. Let’s think about the big picture for a minute. If your goal is to have an intimate family gathering to celebrate your marriage, great. You probably should not invite your 20 fraternity brothers or your heavy metal band mates and their stripper girlfriends. They just won’t help you create that “intimate family feel” to your wedding reception.

On the other hand, if you want a high energy party atmosphere at your wedding reception – having the majority of your guests over the age of 65 just will not cut it. No, I’m not saying that your grandparents should be banned from your wedding reception. We all know great Aunt Marge can be a blast once she gets a few cocktails in her – but she’s probably not going to dance for more than a ½ hour or so before she gets tired. What I would recommend is that you balance the age and backgrounds of your wedding guests with the atmosphere you’re shooting for. The Amish relatives from Pennsylvania might be left off the invite list to make room for a group of young co-workers instead.

As a wedding disc jockey – it is our job to keep your wedding reception flowing and energized. If your goal is to have an active dance floor – then before you even worry about what music to play at your wedding reception, take a hard look at who you have invited. If you provide us with a play list filled with Top-40, heavy dance tunes and R&B, but the average age of your guests is somewhere around 70, you are not going to be happy with the outcome. Your wedding disc jockey will need to play a little something for everyone to enjoy. Balance with your music selection is necessary. So is inviting the right mix of people to your reception. You might want to skip your second cousin twice removed and opt instead to invite the group of friends you go clubbing with each weekend.

Rob Alberti
Owner of After Hours Disc Jockey Service - Serving the MA/CT/RI areas since 1983
afterhoursdj.net afterhoursdj.net
mailto:info@afterhoursdj.net info@afterhoursdj.net

Most sexual enhancement creams, in spite of having different active ingredients, contain L-arginine, an amino acid that improves the flow of blood and is a potent dilator of blood vessels around the clitoris. Just as Viagra works among men, the concept here is to increase blood flow to the genitals, thereby increasing sensation and enhancing lubrication, which makes having an orgasm much easier. It should be remembered that L-arginine aggravates genital herpes, so those having this sexually transmitted disease should stay away from it. The presence of peppermint or menthol in some of these creams creates a tingling sensation and warmth. However, it can also be irritating to delicate tissues.

The response time varies from person to person and for each specific product. But the effects are felt more rapidly by stimulation through touching, rubbing, and licking in the clitoral area. Most creams begin to work right away, and with continued use, the response becomes much more intense.

For those women who have been losing their sexual urge and sensitivity, the use of enhancement creams along with healthy living habits will help them regain their lost sexual intensity and create a condition conducive to orgasm.

It has been observed that most of the high-quality creams have little to no side effects. However, the best way is to sample a small dose of the cream before using it on a permanent basis. If there is no irritation, you can just go ahead.

Although all reputable firms offer guarantees for their products, it is wise to fully understand how they work and refrain from taking a hasty decision. The prices of these products depend on the quality of the essential active ingredients used.

In choosing a cream, you should look at the ingredients and the method of manufacture. It makes sense if you decide to go with a reputable and experienced company which has been recommended by a large number of satisfied customers. Better still, consult your doctor if you want to use one of these creams.

e-sexualenhancement.com Sexual Enhancement provides detailed information on Sexual Enhancement, Sexual Enhancement Creams, Sexual Enhancement Pills, Sexual Enhancement Drugs and more. Sexual Enhancement is affiliated with e-NaturalBreastEnhancement.com Natural Breast Enhancement Products.

Have you spent years looking for Mr. Right, or Ms. Right? Do you
feel like you come up empty each time, or even worse- end up
repeating an old pattern with the same type of person again and
again?

It’s an uncomfortable reality for so many of us as we look to be
in a relationship with someone. Our requirements may be
unconsciously stemming from old emotional patterns within our
psyche. Those patterns may have been formulated in early
childhood, during puberty, or even from our ‘first love’. Each
time we grow into a new relationship, we hope that we have
learned enough from the sum of our previous experiences to say
that we are prepared to reap the harvest of our true partner.
Unfortunately, if unfinished business still resides within your
mind and heart, it will eventually surface in the new
relationship.

Recently one of my clients came to me with this same trouble.
She had recently found a wonderful new relationship, or shall we
say it found her. Everything was going so well, they were
getting to know each other and really felt committed to each
other. Then, it happened. She started getting angry. She had a
sharp edge to her voice and was quick tempered with people. It
was like she had her ‘claws out’. She was so happy- what could
be wrong?

Well, she was happy. She was so happy in fact, that she was
feeling safer than she had in years. That’s a good thing, right?

Of course it is. It means that the safety made her feel
comfortable enough to let down the walls around her heart and the
old heart wounds were starting to pour out- all over the place.
She was safe enough to allow herself to be vulnerable. In that
vulnerability she had given herself permission to let go of the
old pain, hoping to make way for the new love her heart was
beginning to feel for her partner. It was a wonderful step
forward!

What happened next? When we talked about her anger and we made
the connection that she was protecting some very old pain and
wounding, she began to drop the anger and connected to the
sadness. She went through a period of grieving and during that
time, was able to talk with her partner about the old wounding.
It actually resulted in bringing them closer together. They had
crossed a threshold in their relationship, taking it to a new
spiritual level. Now, they both feel as if they are headed
toward a true partnership.

How did they get this far? They trusted each other. They also
trusted in themselves enough to know that the old wounding was in
fact something very old. They are able to bear witness to the
pain as it was being released, and it made the bond between them
stronger, knowing they could unite in the face of grief and pain.

It opened the door into their hearts a little wider because they
were healing consciously.

What steps do we take to find a true partner?

We start with our self. Until we can be a true partner to our
own feelings, we do not know how to be a partner to someone else.

If we are not willing to face our own vulnerability and our past
wounds, how can we face them in another?

True partnership is not all champagne and roses. It’s not
stories about soft fuzzy bunnies and breakfast in bed every
morning. True partnership is about being there for another
person during their high times and even their low times. It is
about being real with your self and with the other person. We
all have emotional patterns, some leftover baggage and none of us
wake up out of bed with perfect hair and makeup. We are human
beings living human experiences. Finding someone who will be a
true partner to you in that reality means facing that same
reality in yourself first. In other words, be a true partner to
your self in order to be a true partner to another. Then you
will be open to allow that partnership to find you.

© 2005 Jaelin K. Reece

Jaelin K. Reece, is a whole life coach, intuitive and guide. Jaelin uses her complementary skills as a gifted intuitive to facilitate people in realizing their true potential in their personal lives, relationships, career, and prosperity. She assists people in transforming their lives and creating the life they love to live.
Jaelin serves as a mentor, consultant and success partner for her clients. She is also the featured columnist Ask a Life Coach for About.com Holistic Healing. If you are interested in partnering with Jaelin as your mentor and life coach you may arrange a session with her through her website: lifecoach-jaelinkreece.com Jaelin K. Reece, Life Coach or by visiting her blog jaelinkreece.typepad.com Intuitive Innovations

It’s a common, if quiet, complaint heard over lunch, or at breaks in meetings, at the Chamber of Commerce mixer, or the League of Women Voters retreat. “My husband finally quit drinking, attends AA, and life is certainly calmer, but…” The “buts” are varied, but essentially come down to the fact that while one’s spouse is no longer actively drinking little else has changed.

An unfortunate side effect of AA and other 12-Step based programs is that while they may help a man stop drinking, they actually encourage him to maintain, and even expand, his focus on alcohol. So he continues to neglect his family and remain emotionally distant from his wife and she doesn’t even get to complain about it because he is “working his program.” For her, precious little has changed.

“I’m truly glad that he isn’t drinking,” one said. “I don’t miss the late night worrying, the calls for bail or a ride home. I don’t miss wondering about our debts, credit rating, or whether he’s going to get fired. But he’s still got his head in a bottle and we don’t even fight anymore. There seems to be so much less of him now than when he was drinking, even. I probably sound selfish and ungrateful, but I miss him.”

It’s a common and heart-breaking story. Another failure of the American system of alcohol treatment - a system that even when it works merely substitutes one form of alcohol obsession for another.

Looked at logically it’s easy to see what happens. Instead of avoiding problems by hanging out at bars with drinking buddies, your husband now spends it at 12-Step Meetings with, well, drinking buddies. Instead of confiding to his bartender, now he shares his innermost thoughts with his “Sponsor.” Where he used to excuse any behavior with “I was drunk and didn’t know what I was doing,” now it’s “I′m working my program.”

Not worrying about whether or not he’s going to make it home becomes small compensation for still not having a husband in any meaningful sense. But you dare not complain lest you send him back to actively drinking again. He’s still captive to alcohol and you’re still being blackmailed into keeping quiet about it.

Not exactly major progress if you want a real relationship.

The implied, but no less real, threats aren’t subtle. “Don′t complain or you′ll be responsible for him relapsing.” That’s nonsense but it’s hard to ignore when everyone from Dear Abby to the minister is saying it. They also tell you to be grateful and that it’s “the only way.” Of course that’s idiocy too.

There are a few voices of reason but they are usually drowned out by the cacophony of 12-Step honking. Here are a few thoughts to consider as you continue to be neglected, diminished, or shut out, by yet another demand of “The Program.”

Your husband’s alcohol abuse, active or passive, is his problem and responsibility. You didn′t cause it, you can′t fix it, nor will you reignite it. All of those choices were, and remain, his.

If he prefers his relationship with alcohol to one with you, well, okay, but he doesn’t get to complain when you decide you’d prefer one with someone else - someone capable of real intimacy with you, not with a bottle or a program.

If he really wants to kick the 12-Step Habit and leave alcohol behind, and keep you, it is certainly possible and probably a lot more fun than sitting in drafty smoke filled basements drinking bad coffee.

You might want to start by taking equal time. For every meeting he attends, you go to a class, a workout, a bar, whatever appeals. If he objects, note that you are only “working your program.” Please create one more interesting than his. God knows you′ve earned it.

You are understandably dissatisfied and that isn’t going to change until you do something about it yourself. Maybe it’s selfish to want a complete life instead of one spent sharing him with his obsession but, if that is his choice, so be it. Don’t continue to be intimidated by 12-Step nonsense. You have a right to a complete life whether he wants one or not.

Dr. Mary Ellen Barnes is President and co-founder of Your Empowering Solutions, Inc, a southern California based alternative alcohol counseling center. Dr. Barnes is particularly interested in the plight of women who wish to change their use of alcohol, either through moderation or abstinence. Learn more about Dr. Barnes and Y.E.S. and the innovative work being done at:
non12step.com non12step.com

Being in the business I′m in, and being a man, I′m often asked by guys how to get women to have sex with them. Ironically enough, my answer typically involves some iteration of, “Well, genius, stop trying so hard to get them to have sex with you.”

But as many of us have already encountered time and again in life, one of the most oft-repeated blunders in the business world is “If something isn’t working, do twice as much of it.”

Such a ham fisted redoubling of efforts tends to turn up from time to time in the dating world also, doesn′t it? Particularly, it seems, when guys aren′t getting women to agree to all of the sex they want as often as they hoped.

Yeah, well. “Hope” is not a strategy.

Sure, male or female, we are all sexual creatures. But there is SO MUCH more depth to us all. Perhaps ironically, that’s exactly the key to being more sexually fulfilled. And therein lies today’s point. Make sure you are ready for this one, too…it’s something you’ve never heard before (which I major in, if you’re just getting acquainted with this newsletter). Here it is:

***Men who prioritize raw sexual fulfillment over actually building a relationship with a woman are almost universally the LEAST sexually fulfilled people I know of.***

Is this attributable to the old theory that “the more you chase something the more elusive it becomes″? Maybe in part, but there′s much more to it.

Okay, then. Is it because most women are wise to such motives and don’t give in? Unfortunately, that’s not it either. There seems to be equal numbers of women these days who are okay with casual sex.

Well, what IS IT already?

The answer lies in the very telling likelihood that the guy who views women as walking life support systems for their vaginas is the VERY SAME ONE who constantly kvetches about how all [women] are “dead lays” with absolutely zero sexual skill, drive or creativity.

Bad sex = Low fulfillment

I submit that maybe the problem isn’t the women. Come on now, you can’t really believe that all women are passive, asexual and/or even frigid, can you? Well, maybe if that helps you sleep at night.

But really, why should a woman′s full sexual potential be squandered on a guy who, when it comes down to it, is USING her?

Make no mistake. It won’t be. Show me a guy who has a healthy respect for women, and furthermore actually ENJOYS women…and I’ll show you a guy who’s partner is so fired up in the bedroom (and the kitchen, and the closet, and the shower…) that the smoke detectors are disconnected.

Most women know all too well that one man’s “dead lay” is another man’s “Siren/Vixen” (”S/V″). And “I/J”s don’t experience “S/V″s so much.

Go and try to figure THAT out. And when you do, deserve what you want.

Scot McKay’s dating strategies for those who refuse to settle for anything less than the ULTIMATE relationship are found at:

Online dating has taken dating to a whole new level. There is instant access to people and profiles, photos and videos, and their ideas, beliefs and opinions. People are less inhibited when they are online. You can really find out so much about a person from their initial profile. You will know right away if this is someone of interest to you. That’s what makes online dating the tool to instant gratification. No more blind dates. No more wasted time. You can be selective in your choices. There are so many people looking for love, relationships and commitment. Is there someone out there looking for you?

• Honesty is the most important item when considering writing your profile. This is the first impression. You don’t want it to be the last impression. Lying about your age, sex, preferences, demographics (height, body type, religion, etc) is a big mistake. Would you want to date someone who is not honest from the start?

• Check your spelling? Not everyone majored in English, but try to find the right words helps. Again, this is a first impression. We all make mistakes, but take pride in your profile.

• Keep your profile neat and clean. Selling sex is not the way to a person’s heart. If you choose to show your naked body to others than at least pick a site that promotes nudity and sex. The casual dating sites frown on nude photos and videos. Use discretion. You are more than your photo anyway. Choose a photo that is clear, not blurry. Show your best side. Publish more than one photo and promote your interests through your photos.

• Tell enough about yourself to attract interest, but leave some out to allow for mystery. Others will either find you interesting and attractive or not. Please don’t include personal, financial, or identifying information in your profile (i.e. bank account info, phone numbers, personal emails, address, etc.)

• Have fun with your profile. Be real and be honest, but most of all have fun. Writing a profile when you are in a good mood is the best time. Would you want to meet a person whose profile is full of drudgery and depression? Your personality will shine through when the mood is right. Online dating doesn’t have to be a job. It can be fun and exciting.

So where do you go from here. Take the tips and try to create a profile that is attractive, concise, and honest. Have fun with it and when you see it published be proud of who you are promoting…you!

Janet J. Reiss, LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in New York. Along with her clinical practice she is a partner of Lookingforlove,LLC, which runs the dating website lookingforlove.com lookingforlove.com, a free dating portal offering online advice, member profiles, photos and videos, forums, a blog, personal classifeds and Looking magazine. Janet is available for consultations and may be contacted at mailto:janet@lookingforlove.com janet@lookingforlove.com.

Wedding items often left to the last minute are the shoes. This can be a major mistake as some styles can be difficult to find. Let’s not even talk about the size and fit!

Things to keep in mind is that the shoes you choose should be both great looking and comfortable. Keep in mind that there’s a lot of walking and standing to be done at your wedding. Hobbling is definitely not elegant and will definitely jar with your perfect image.

For the grooms, the choice is more restricted compared to the women. A good choice would be patent leather shoes or low-cut ones. They will look both elegant and smart with your suit.

For the brides, keep your dress in mind when you choose. A simple gown would call for a simple shoe, while a more elaborate gown would allow for a more embellished shoe. There are a whole lot of designs to choose from. Would boots or slingbacks look better with your dress? How about a pair of pumps?

Another thing to keep in mind is the heel of the shoe. You might look great in really high heels but how will you feel after almost two hours in them, carrying a ton of weight in your gown and train? You might end up in pain which is not a good way to celebrate your special day. Maybe an elegant pair of wedding slippers after a pedicure will do the trick, and the pampering feels great.

No matter what kind of shoes you choose, it’s always a great idea to break them in before the big day. Wear them for at least a week to really get used to them and have them form properly to your foot. This way there’ll be no blisters marring your special day.

Lesley-Ann Graham runs weddingtrix.com” target=”_blank WeddingTrix.com - a valuable weddingtrix.com” target=”_blank wedding planning resource with articles, tips and advice to help you plan your perfect wedding. Visit Lesley-Ann’s weddingtrix.com/weddingshop.php wedding shop for some of the best wedding bargains on the Internet!

Getting married is the most important event in every person’s life. Everything should be perfect on this important day. This includes the wedding cake, flowers, and decorations at the venue of the wedding reception.

Take the help of family, friends, and your spouse-to-be in planning this happy and joyous occasion. Decide the theme, the budget and enlist the help of a wedding planner if required. Make arrangements months in advance so that there is no lapse at the last minute. Conduct a thorough research of the available decorations, sample arrangements that fit the budget and then reach a final decision. Plan early for a hassle-free and smooth wedding ceremony and reception thereafter.

The cake is the most important element of the wedding. Traditional cakes are round or layered with lots of white icing, decorated with iced flowers, real flowers or cake decorations. It is possible to order butter cream and cheesecakes with different icings in colors matching the bridal gown. Also important is the cake display. Usually the cake has its own single-tier or multi-tiered display table and occupies pride of place in the center of the reception area.

When ordering a cake, choose a well-known baker who uses the best quality ingredients and will deliver on time at the due date. Consult them on the type of icing and the size of the cake depending on the number of guests invited for the reception. Taste samples and go for a fresh fruitcake, depending on its availability in the season. Consider ordering a cake with different flavors for different tiers and serve the guests a flavor from each tier.

Wedding flowers form an integral part of the bridal accessories and the wedding decorations. The bridegroom’s boutonniere, the flower petals showered on the couple, and the corsages of the mothers and grandmothers are all part of the most important flower arrangements. The bride must carry the most beautiful bridal bouquet, matching the season and her gown. The bouquet must be a reflection of her personal style. Accordingly, a glamorous bouquet will have flowers like roses and hydrangeas in whites and creams. The centerpiece can have luminous candles surrounded by flowers. A traditional bouquet includes roses, calla lilies, in cream, pink or peach. The centerpiece accompanying a traditional bouquet would be a low cluster of roses. Interesting floral hairpieces or brooches can add a fresh element to the bride’s dress.

To get the best floral arrangements book well in advance. Talk to the florist; discuss all possible flower arrangements depending on the theme of the wedding and seasonal availability of flowers. Choose a highly recommended and creative florist to minimize chances of any mishap. Clearly, explain which flowers are desirable, those to avoid and those not to be included in case any guest or family member have a known flower allergy. Customized arrangements may cost extra, but lend a unique touch to the entire wedding celebrations. Sign a comprehensive contract that includes the refund policy, and a penalty clause for delays in delivery.

Wedding decorations include the table arrangements, bar arrangements, buffet table, and food station arrangements along with the decoration of the reception area. They also include arrangements for the wedding ceremony including the aisle, the pew seating, and the altar arrangements. Arrange in accordance with the available space and other restrictions at the reception venue. Use innovative embellishments like balloons on the dance floor, satin ribbons, and streamers to enliven the atmosphere.
The reception decor must be in accordance with the theme of the wedding and coordinated with the table linen and size of the individual tables. Hire a professional decorator and discuss possible arrangements with him. Add greens and candles as centerpieces on each table that are practical and do not block conversations among guests. Devote ample time to planning the cake, flowers, and decorations for your wedding to make it memorable for yourself and others for a long time to come.

videobabylon.ca/ Toronto weddings photographer
Video Babylon Weddings Photography

Loving someone doesn’t always translate into a relationship. This is the hard cold truth singles often have to accept if they ultimately want a healthy life-partner relationship. That’s because love can’t survive alone and pure in a world complicated by so many other elements. We all have jobs or careers, family relationships, spiritual practices and historical emotional experiences that not only define who we are, but also affect how we want to live our lives.

Shifting the love you experience with someone into a healthy, committed relationship is often more challenging than we would want it to be. After all, once you find someone to love, shouldn’t the rest just fall into place? The answer, unfortunately, is “no.”

A life partnership is, in essence, a “deal″ created between two people requiring negotiation and agreement on a number of important life issues. Therefore, being able to live with the one you love indeed becomes a “big deal.” I have seen singles struggle in their relationships when confronted with life factors that challenge their love for one another.

“Cutting a deal” is the phrase I use to describe the process of reconciling what you’re getting and not getting in a relationship. Compromises, or “trade-offs″ are frequently necessary when cutting a deal. But if there are too many trade-offs, they can become “deal-breakers″ — reasons for ending the negotiations and, ultimately, the relationship.

Here in Part 1, I present examples of two couples who experienced how “love is a big deal.” Then in Part 2, I’ll show how these couples implemented the best problem-solving and decision-making techniques to understand the trade-offs they faced, and cut the best possible relationship deal.

Karen and Gary met online, and began an exclusive relationship after a few weeks. They enjoyed being together and recognized and appreciated each other’s intelligence and sensitivity. They tried to be together as much as possible, but this turned out to be limited due to Gary’s unstable business situation, as well as his need to spend time with his teenage son. As much as they loved each other, Karen felt that spending time together always competed with Gary’s business or son. They hardly went out to restaurants or movies or the theatre because Gary didn’t have either the time or the money, which displeased Karen. After dating for 8 months, she felt frustrated that their relationship was not progressing towards a commitment, so she asked Gary how he saw their future together. Gary loved Karen, but could not promise anything would change; he had to keep working to build his business and support his son. Karen was understanding and supportive, but after another 3 months, not much had changed. She continued to feel unhappy about not being a priority in Gary’s life and his inability to work on building a future together.

Karen recognized that she had to decide if she could accept the trade-off of feeling neglected in exchange for the love and attention Gary was able to, and did, occasionally give her. The deal she had to cut to be in the relationship also required that she trade off working towards, and securing, a future together, in exchange for loving each other in the present.

Henry and Hannah met at a synagogue event. They shared the same devotion to their religious practices, which provided them with many holidays, classes and rituals to spend together. Since most of Henry’s family was out of state, he would spend
many holidays with Hannah and some part of her extended family. After 6 months of dating exclusively (with the goal of marriage clearly understood), Henry took Hannah on a trip to meet his family. Upon their return, Henry began to feel especially worried about marrying Hannah, given what he saw as her over-dependence on her mother and sisters. He told her his concerns about her family’s constant involvement in her life. Hannah dismissed his concerns, and said that he would be welcomed into her family and could benefit from the same love and advice she’s received from them her whole life. Henry felt uneasy about this closeness and potential lack of independence.

Henry recognized that he had to accept Hannah’s close relationships with her mother and sisters as a trade-off for being together. The deal he had to cut to be with Hannah meant he’d have to trade off some independence. While he and Hannah had made some decisions about their relationship on their own, he worried that Hannah might always be inclined to ask for her mother’s and sisters’ advice, at the expense of
their privacy and autonomy.

These examples are meant to demonstrate the importance of paying attention now to what could be the source of the demise of your relationship later. Even though it seems contrary to being in love, doing so protects us from experiencing even worse suffering in the future.

Knowing all of this, how does one go about determining if factors other than love become deal-breakers? Since cutting a deal to be together in the future requires decisions about trade-offs in the present, good decision-making and problem-solving are essential. Using these skills now will also help couples to communicate, negotiate and compromise throughout the course of their life partnership.

So while you might accuse me of leaving you hanging, stay tuned for Part 2, where I′ll describe how Karen and Henry used specific problem-solving and decision-making techniques to identify the deal-breakers in their relationships, and attempt to cut the best possible deals with the ones they love.

© Copyright 2005 Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D.

About Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D. Practicing as a psychologist for over 20 years, Janice has treated many singles looking to get married, but who had become depressed and demoralized by the dating process. She now uses her skills and experience to help healthy singles overcome the obstacles preventing them from attaining the relationships and lives they really want. Janice has been quoted in Cosmopolitan Magazine, writes the “Love Coach” advice column on JMatch.com JMatch.com, has a free e-newsletter and gives teleclasses, lectures and workshops. Check out her “Get Your Love Right!” blog, read other dating-related Q’s&A’s and articles, and sign up for a complimentary 40 minute telephone coaching session by visiting her website at DoctorLoveCoach.com DoctorLoveCoach.com