Confrontation is never sexy it is more yang than yin. It never brings the two of you closer together. Remember that part of your Geisha Femininity is that you are a receptive, nurturing, peaceful woman, even in the midst of any necessay confrontation.
That feminist part of you that gives you backbone cannot always avoid confrontation, even in a great relationship with your Good Man. When it feels right to confront, do not confront impulsively. Instead, plan the time and place so as to encourage a calm atmosphere.
Try to follow the American Geisha’s ways:
1. Do not raise your voice speak calmly. If his voice gets too loud, ask him gently if he could, please, speak more softly.
2. Make what would otherwise be a confrontation or argument into a discussion, which is actualy quite yin (oh how we women love to discuss), and even sexy once you come to some agreement out of your discussion.
3. Keep a confrontaton from becoming an argument
4. Seek to have a discussion, not an argument. If he gets more argumentative, always seek to return to a calm discussion.
5. Treat each other with respect and care, and try (both of you) to come from the place of trusting each other’s good intentions, no matter how entrenched the disagreement might seem to be
6. Do not aggressively defend your position (nor should your Good Man)
7. Keep your face calm, your hands relaxed.
8. Be ready to say you are sorry for how upset both of you are. Often, with your lead giving him permission, a Good Man will express similar feelings.
9. Be ready to apologize explicitly for your share of any blame, if doing so can help you get beyond confrontation to working together on the situation.
10. Very importantly, remember that an angry, emotional word spoken and heard can never be unspoken and unheard; it lasts in his memory for your entire relationship. Speak very carefully when you are upset. Ask him to do the same.
11. Allow your Good Man to save face by nonjudgmentally seeking a solution, not by seeking to place blame on him (even if blaming him seems appropriate and fair).
12. Try always to make each other happy, not wrong.
13. Ask your Good Man to read this section, then jointly seek always to have calm discussion when you disagree.
Py Kim Conant is the author of “Sex Secrets of an American Geisha: How to Attract, Satisfy, and Keep Your Man” (Hunter House). Py has appeared on radio shows nationally. Py teaches a class on “How to Be Married in a Year” for the Learning Annex in Los Angeles and San Diego. Looking for relationship, dating and sex tips? Visit Py’s website at AmericanGeishaHouse.com AmericanGeishaHouse.com
