We were sitting at a table. Her ex-husband had slashed her tires causing her to be late for work. They had been divorced for several years. She lived next to her ex’s mother which made things even worse. She felt trapped and endangered. They watched her every move. He had come to her place of employment once or twice. She wanted out. Maybe even out of life, I don′t know.
“I’ve been married two times and both of them were abusive. I can’t even date a decent guy.” I listened intently to her grievance. “At least you divorced them, I said.” “You can divorce them but you can’t get rid of them.” That was her final word and she punctuated the remark by crushing the life out of her cigarette.
That was the state of her life and the state many people find themselves in. The following is based on what came out of our discussion that day.
FISHING IN THE RIGHT POND
I am not writing for anyone who seeks companionship for the wrong reasons. If you are looking for sex, drugs, or money this is not meant for you. You should, perhaps, remain single until you have gotten whatever it is you think you need out of life.
This is not about how to free yourself from an ex who won’t go away but it might help. If you keep ending up with the wrong person this article may be the solution. Remember, it all works both ways.
People do not date the people they want to marry. No one does. They date the fun person, the carefree person, the romantic person. Not until after the marriage do they realize they need the faithful and responsible person.
When one is in a romantic mood they seek out romantic places. Unfortunately these types of places are often the last place one should go to in order to find that “other person”. As cold as it may seem you need to fish where the fish are. If you want catfish go where the catfish are. If you want bass go where the bass are. If you want a normal mate go where normal people go. Go where you normally go or to the places you have always wanted to go and mingle.
People who drink and smoke and fight are easily found at bars and beer joints. This is not to say that everyone who frequents such places are bad people. We are talking averages here. You are most likely to find the wrong person at an establishment that sells alcoholic beverages or caters to personalities who practice the things you would not want your mate to be doing. For example, I would not be interested in someone who is gambling. I certainly would not be interested in a possible alcoholic.
Having discussed the where and why, let us examine briefly, the how.
WHAT TO DO NOW
Much has been written on how to catch a mate for sex or marriage. This kind of material is always questionable at best as far as I’m concerned. I did examine a book on dating as a teenager. It was in the high school library. It covered topics such as acne, menstruation, emotions, strange feelings, common courtesy, respect and forgotten philosophies such as the “Golden Rule”. I cannot recall the title, author or the contents of the book. I do recall it was mostly dealing with initiating teens into relationships. I scanned the book and put it back. One word was all I needed to know to find the right person. Courtesy.
The root word in courtesy is court. If you want to court someone you must first be courteous. If you want to remain with them you must at least be respectful and honest. You must be mature and dependable. These are also the very qualities you should look for in a prospect and nothing less.
Concerning dress. When you are looking for that right person you want to appear normal. Yes, you should be clean and properly attired for the occasion, such as shopping. But don’t go to the grocery store dressed like you are on a date. They may think you are already taken.
Simply be polite and social. Being social is important. If you don’t talk to people you won’t meet people. Most importantly, be yourself. Trying to impress people almost always gives the wrong impression. Don’t be too pushy or personal at first. Just allow things to occur naturally. Life happens at its own pace. If you rush things you will miss out on the reward.
I will not give any other information on dating other than is already given in meeting someone. If you make it this far on these simple thoughts you should need no further guidance, for these are also the rules for everyday living.
CONCLUSION:
She eventually met a man who owned a business in another state. I never saw her again. I have been happily married to the same girl I first dated as a young man. We have endured some of the most severe weather any couple has ever had to struggle against. After thirty one years our time together has become sweeter and our bonds unbreakable. It was never easy but it was awesome in all regards. As some sage put it, “You get what you pay for.”
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